Ebook The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love, by Ty Tashiro
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The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love, by Ty Tashiro
Ebook The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love, by Ty Tashiro
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Review
"This engaging and thought-provoking book is highly recommended for readers seeking to learn more about romantic relationship dynamics..."  - Library Journal"Complete with exercises, quizzes, sound advice, and a practical yet supportive tone, Tashiro offers the closest thing to a roadmap for "happily-ever-after."   - Publishers Weekly, Starred Review"Five-Stars" - San Francisco Review of Books
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About the Author
Ty Tashiro, Ph.D., is a relationship expert for the Discovery Network's Fit and Health Channel. He received his Ph.D. in psychology from the University of Minnesota and he has been an award winning professor at the University of Maryland and University of Colorado. Dr. Tashiro is often cited as an expert on relationship breakups, enhancing long-term relationships, and online dating. Visit him at tytashiro.net
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Product details
Hardcover: 288 pages
Publisher: Harlequin; Original edition (January 28, 2014)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 037389290X
ISBN-13: 978-0373892907
Product Dimensions:
5.8 x 1 x 8.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 13.4 ounces
Average Customer Review:
4.4 out of 5 stars
79 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#426,351 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Summary:1) marry someone who doesn't have attachment issues.2) 50% of the population has attachment issues.3) lower your standards. Statistically speaking, you can only have 1 of the 3 things you absolutely must have in a partner, and none of the other non-dealbreaker qualities..
Initially apprehensive to read a "relationships" book, I decided to go ahead and read it due to a recently ended relationship and the assurance that this book is deeply rooted in science. And I am so glad that I read this book, principally for the succinct summary of hundreds of academic studies on psychology, relationships, divorce, attachment theory, and happiness.Seeing that each conclusion the author posits is based not just one or two, but many repeatable academic studies is very reassuring. I felt like I was able to much better understand myself as a human being, particularly the biology of attraction and the fundamental changes in relationships over the last 200 years due to increased life expectancy and societal shifts.There are parts of the book where I felt like the author was coaching me on how to make better dating decisions, which is fine, but felt a bit odd as much of the focus on the book was presenting science rather than relationship coaching. I think Dr. Tashiro probably just couldn't help himself, and I don't fault him for doing it. When I obliged to do the tests presented in the book, I went to the noted website to complete them and found the website to be incomplete and not have the test results represented in the book.At times the conclusions were a bit muddled; I thought the discussion on attachment theory was interesting but lacking in finality. After spending a couple hours researching attachment theory online, it makes sense now that the conclusions were weak because there don't seem to be strong correlations between long-term relationship success and attachment type among adults."The Science of Happily Ever After" has many virtues and the survey of such a massive amount of research is really worth reading, and it is made better by the weave of interesting personal stories that illustrate the science in action. In the end, I give the book 5/5 stars despite its few shortcomings. I highly recommend this book.
This is the book you've been looking for if you've been looking for an enduring love relationship and failing to find it. In this very entertainingly written book, TyTashiro comes up with plenty of evidence to show that it's the criteria we use for choosing our partners that lead us astray into passing over people who might be ideal for us or into relationships that fail sooner rather than later.The incredibly high divorce rate is ample proof that most of us are doing something wrong when choosing our partners and the book kicks off with a reasoned explanation of why the criteria we use are not relevant to the levels of relationship satisfaction we experience and how long those relationships last.The book rang plenty of bells for me but the loudest was that many of us are also using too many criteria when choosing our partners which can often cut down the pool of possibles to a very few or even none. Ty reckons you've pretty well only got three wishes before you've cut down the number of possibles to the extent that you'll have to be very lucky indeed to stumble across one of them.With the thought that you've only got three wishes, it makes perfect sense not to waste any of them on irrelevancies and Ty suggests traits that you should really be looking for in your partner (Hint: they don't include looks or money). A very important one is your prospective partner's attachment style. Put very simply, an attachment style is how that person will react when things go a bit pear-shaped in your world and you go to them seeking comfort and reassurance. People normally echo the attachment style shown to them by their primary caregivers in childhood and Ty reveals how to determine if your prospective partner's attachment style makes them a good long-term prospect or not.Finding a person with the traits Ty suggests is very much easier than, for example, finding someone who looks like Cameron Diaz and whose father owns a brewery. Happiness and love are the ultimate goals of most of us and the framework provided by Ty seems to me to be a very good start in thinking about and planning how to achieve that state.
Summary:- avoid partners with high neuroticism- avoid partners with low agreeablenessThe sad part? The above is genetically determined. So if you’re not the above, great. But if you are then there’s no silver lining for you. You are screwed. This doesn’t mean the book is bad, just a little bit of an unsettling truth.I deduct 1 star because it was never explained which one of the “big five†corresponds to “novelty seekingâ€.
I am a psychologist and I am suggesting this book to everyone considering getting into a relationship. I have written six books myself and tried to write one about this topic, but just couldn't find the research in the 1990s when I was interested in this topic.. It is a well written book that I have now bought more copies of to give to single family members. Thank you, Dr. Tashiro!On a side note, I am married and reading this did remind me that I did get my three wishes!
Are you looking to learn about why some marriages are great and other suck? Are you wondering what love really means? This book has educated me about those things. What is interesting is that many of the things that this book teaches, I already know. Its a good reminder and its good to get your facts backed by research. Only 17% of marriages are happy ones and this book explains that it has to do with how people pick a partner. If you are not married yet and you are looking for love, this is the perfect book to read.
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